Immovable

I know I have to go, I have to get up and go,

And yet, my body, my mind, is immovable

I self-talk, to motivate, to encourage

To discourage the fear, to disarm the tear, and yet I find myself immovable

I visualize, doing what I have to, with vigor and rigor

To mark the right path in the catacombs of my mind, to muster as much grit as I can find,

And yet I find that below my neck, my body is immovable

I cry, I guilt-trip, I plead, I pray

I ask for light, hope, whatever doesn’t lead me astray

And yet, it’s all just disarray, nothing has helped me be not immovable

There is a catch in my tummy, a weight on my heart,

Cramp in my muscles and thoughts still in hustle

And yet, time richochets off the catch, the cramp, landing on the weight of my heart,

Heavy, unforgiving, and immovable

I pray for divine intervention, for grace, for ease, and intention, turning to action

I battle distraction, I hunt for determination

For the moment that will lift me up from this procrastination, this terrible depression

And this time…

Through the struggle, the trouble, I fumble

And given in at last, dejected and unable

To find the formula that would break me down from being immovable, and instead be stable, reliable and ever dependable.