The Roots of Sorrow

My Guru says,

“You cannot get rid of sorrow, unless you face it. Once you understand the reason, you can be free of it forever.” — Sri M

The tree of my life is possibly rooted in deep sorrow. Like “Sadness”, it’s what makes life rooted in earth, in reality and in the all pervading supreme consciousness.

The roots guide you to back to yourself. Your true self, the self that is constant, divine and free of ‘maya’ and ‘moha’.

Way of the roots is painful and hence only the courageous make it through.

I’ve been told I’m brave and have the courage. I believe I have the heart to be so as well. Time to test it. Shall we ?

Seeding of roots of the ache in my heart 💔

a. As a child, when I felt lost and thought that I was left alone because no one loved me or wanted me.

b. When I first thought that a friend is a friend, and a promise is a promise, and it wasn’t.

c. When words spoken were just meant to be sculpting of air through vocal cords. Words were wind. The wrath of nature kind of wind.

d. When I realised that forever meant for some time. And sometimes, some time is also never.

e. When I had to eat my own bitter pill, because I had fed it to others. The ache was first for myself, and then when it became for others, I realised I had grown up.

f. When I had to play a 2 person game, alone.

g. When I wanted to be wanted and wasn’t. When I needed to be held and no one knew.

When I couldn’t and cried and wasn’t heard.

h. When I knew no one was coming to save me. No one. Even if they said they could and would. No one.

i. When I couldn’t convey the truth in my heart and the worst was construed. And when I first realised that that mattered.

j. When I thought I was in love. It was true in that moment and time. And it ached.

k. Separation. From love. From comfort. From being cared for. From safety.

l. When acceptance wasn’t a choice. Wasn’t in my vocabulary. Wasn’t a known map in my world.

m. When disappointment and betrayal was added to the repertoire of emotions my heart could feel, but my mind couldn’t process. And when I learnt to navigate the expression of it.

n. Helplessness.

o. Fear of death, of loss.

p. Of being violated. Emotionally and physically.

q. The ache from having to repeatedly deal with a to q, including q.

r. Grief.

• Of what could have been but isn’t.
• Of what was and isn’t.
• Of all that can never be.
• Also, of what is.

s. A loved one’s suffering.

t. Facing your truth and knowing that crumbling is the only way.

u. Crumbling. Completely. With abandon, but with love.

v. Not recognizing yourself. Not being who you once were. Not being who you thought you were. Not knowing who to be. Or how to be.

w. Waiting. Waiting for the pain to recede. Waiting for peace to manifest.

x. To create your truth, own it and live it.

y. To hold ache with grace and compassion.

z. To offer and surrender a to z not knowing why or how.

Bravo, Divya !